My mother was 42 when I was born. My memories of her for the first few years of my life are rather vague and nebulous. It’s probably safe to say that I am unable to comment, with any firsthand knowledge, of the first 45 years of my mother’s life. But, for the 40-some odd years of mom memories that I do remeber, I can confidently claim that my mom is not a girly-girl. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’m not criticizing her. Just stating fact.
I can remember quite clearly how excited she was when the school district she taught for decided that it was alright for their female teachers to wear pants, rather than a dress every day. Ever since then, the only time mom wears a dress is for weddings, funerals, and certain special occasions.
Liberated she might have been, wearing those pantsuits, yet, she never got too liberated: she never burned a bra.
Now that she’s 88, she can’t do the things she once did, but, back in the day, my mom built and finished the cabinets in one of the bathrooms here in Chez Xanadu, she sanded and finished most of the built-ins in the house, she pounded nails, turned screws and sawed wood while the cabins in the mountains were being built, and she knows a few tricks about electrical wiring. She never wore her fingernails long, or painted them, as the paint would just chip, and the nails break during hard work. She wore a chipped nail, or a bandaged finger, as if it were a medal of honor.
And, let’s not forget this:
How many people can claim to have a photo, taken in the 1950s, of their mom on the rifle range, where she became a qualified marksman?
My mom’s never been into makeup — she had one tube of lipstick, and a couple of samples of other lipstick colors that she’d gotten at some Avon party, and that was all she owned for years. The tube of lipstick may have held the record for World’s Longest Living Lipstick — it resided in her top dresser drawer for my entire childhood, and was there when I moved out. She called me one day, I think I was in my early 20s, and told me she’d thrown out all her lipstick because she’d read an article that bacteria grew on the lipstick, and shouldn’t be used after a certain period of time. If it hadn’t been for that article, I have no doubt the tube of lipstick would still be there — only very special occasions warranted lipstick; being worn only once a year, a tube of lipstick can last a lifetime. Other than the lipstick, my mom has never worn any other makeup. I remember one time, she went to some makeup party, and came home with a new look. She showed us, we all made suitable noises of approval, then she went to the bathroom and washed it all off. “I’ve never had the patience to stand in front of
Thank you for this detailed portrait of your mother. I can relate, as you know, to much of what you describe here. But the hightops! She is unique unto herself, your mom. I know what you mean about wondering if you can provide enough of what she needs. I suspect that the gap may not be so much gender as generational. My mother really misses her sisters and the ease of their conversations. She misses the common reference points. She misses being able to ask them questions – who was so-and-so married to again? Where did we live when such and such happened? We can’t fill those gaps. We can just do our best to make life as comfortable as possible, and I know you do that for her in spades.
I wish I had some photos of mom in the hightops! She went through a track-suit phase (no velour, thankfully!), and the hightops were the perfect footwear. She had a dozen or so sets of tracksuits, the sweatshirt/sweatpant type, in various colors — no mix and match, mom is monochromatic: all one color, no yellow top with blue pants, nope, top and bottom has to match! She left the sweatsuits behind, but, I still miss the hightops.
John: Great post! S-u-p-e-r cool photo of your mom!
I remember those days when it was “ok” for women to wear pants!! OMG, you just took me back to my Jr. High days!! I remember she ALWAYS wore dresses, even around the house! THEN….she came home with PANTS SUITS! And then took me out shopping for pants suits for school! She had gone back to work by then and it wasn’t until 9th grade I was able to wear BLUE JEANS to school because the school board had allowed girls to wear jeans to school.
And the lipstick!! Now I have to check out what I have! I usually wear chapstick. Lipstick tastes horrible.
Your mom was cool! You’re right, I don’t ANY moms that were sharp shooters. I hope my kids remember me as a mom that could swing a hammer, wheel a drill and use a circular like no one’s business!
I suspect the young girls of today have little idea of what a big deal it was for women to be able to wear pants to work. It was a huge deal! I think, for women, it was more monumental than the moonlanding!
Sounds like you and my mom would get along very well — remodeling projects were a big thing for my mom when she was younger.
Thanks for stopping by, and glad I could inspire a few memories.
Kids today have NO idea. The thought of having to wear a dress to school would appall most of them!